Just the other day I came across a tweet that really got me thinking. Can't quite remember the exact words but it talked about how people really try to save the world, yet Jesus did that when He died on the cross. I mean, none of us is Superman, (and we never will anyway) so why do we spend so much time carrying the weight of the world, yet we can barely carry our own? Yes, I know for a fact that there are people who care a little too much about the rest of the world and put their own happiness at bay for everyone else's sake. I know this because I am one of them. (This is self talk too by the way)
Recently, I found myself in a certain scuffle with someone close, and I found myself giving in to the other person's demands simply because I wanted to avoid arguing at all costs and honestly didn't want to leave a bad taste in the other person's mouth.
But thinking about it objectively, we tend to believe that being a tad too courteous is done in selfless, humble faith and is the right thing to do anyway. However, there is a very distinct line between being selfless and a doormat.
A doormat will let people walk all over them, allows others to dictate their lives and their happiness depends on other people. A selfless person on the other hand genuinely cares about others and sacrifices alot for the their sake. Nevertheless, a selfless person also knows their boundaries, which lines should be crossed and which ones shouldn't, when to speak out and when to be silent, when to act and when to hold back; the list goes on.
In simple words, it's okay to love people, but don't allow yourself to be a walkover. Besides, the good book; in Matthew 11: 28-30 (NIV) says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
So there's your answer.
Have a fruitful day, won't you?
~Don't lose yourself while trying to hold on to something/someone who doesn't care about losing you~
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Find yourself honey!
Identity. A simple 8 letter word from which so many things crop up; both good and bad. Confidence, low self esteem, homosexuality are just but a drop of the myriad of issues which swim around this "identity" term.
I'm not the shoes I wear, I'm not the clothes I buy
I'm not the house I live in, I'm not the car I drove no,
I'm not the job I work, You can't define my worth
By nothing on God's green earth My identity is found in Christ...
...Identity is found in the God we trust, any other identity will self destruct.."
Lyrics from the song "Identity" by my favorite gospel hiphop artiste, Lecrae. Man, I totally love this song! First time I heard it was a couple of years in high school, back when I was torn in between a not-so-little girl and a young woman, trying to find her niche in life. But I'll come back to this a little later.
My e-dictionary defines identity as: who you are.
Another definition goes something like: The identity of a person or a place is the characteristics they have that distinguish them from others.
Okay, truth be told, I've been rather disturbed of late. Looking around my environment, it's rather evident that there's a certain wave of peer pressure that's being deeply taking root in people. In my opinion, this stems out from a lack of sense of worth and a great tonne of insecurity. I mean, there's a class of juvenile delinquents (I dare refer to them as such) who just hang out around each other all the time like a colony of little safari ants, downgrade and insult others to make themselves feel better, and most certainly think that being louder, moneyed and "bad" makes you that guy/girl. Not cool. Truth is, we were all born alone, and for sure we will return to dust SOLO! So the next time you decide to scream out YOLO with your buddies after downing yourself into a stupor from that lethal drink, remember that.
Back to my point...(clearly I digress a lot),it really helps to know who you really are, discover what makes you tick, find your true purpose in life, and ultimately find your identity in God. Just the other day, I bumped into a strange load of information. A certain blast from my past (not a cool blast, but a terrible one,ha!) was passing word round about how this mamacita (me) was miserable and could not live without him. This person further went to trash my name and said lotsa visibly false allegations. Guess what I did? I laughed! And that was it. I mean, if trying to make a sister feel small will give you sleep at night, knock yourself out honey! Thing is, I found who I was, what I wanted what my purpose was in life and that sure did not feature some people, so I cleared the clutter and here I am today.
I love sharing my experiences coz I believe there are some people out there that may identify with them. Back in high school, I faced a lot of rejection. Not very serious stuff, but I auditioned for some top notch clubs in school and unfortunately I did not get in to any of them. Needless to say, I was crushed, torn and heartbroken. To some this may not be a big deal, but for an overweight teenage girl battling with an illness and low self esteem, it is her world. I remember that day in form one, when I was "first formally rejected," I went to a certain tree, and cried my heart out...gawsh, I'm even getting teary as I write this. The following year was even worse. But in my third year, I hit rock bottom, my grades suffered immensely, as in, my report form had seen the range of the A's, the B's upto the E's, which was the last grade by the way! In a certain term, I was third from last in my class, yet when I joined secondary school I used be top of my class.
After I'd cried the tears till I could cry no more, I got tired and turned to my Maker; who was there all along by the way. And slowly, he lifted me up and gave me meaning for life. 3 years and a couple of heartbreaks later, here I am, happier than ever and thankful for the rain, coz it made me who I am today.
In short, NEVER ever peg your happiness or life on another person. That'll leave you unhappy, miserable and disappointed in the long run. I mean, God forbid, what if they die? what if they leave you? Does it mean your life's over too? Any time you feel tempted to look down on yourself, look into the mirror, and remind yourself that you are beautiful as you are, you are alive for a reason and God above all, loves you UNconditionally!!!
So, find yourself, find your IDENTITY,and be proud of that no matter what! There is no 'you' and there will never be anyone like you ever!!!
~When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right ones a chance to catch you~
I'm not the shoes I wear, I'm not the clothes I buy
I'm not the house I live in, I'm not the car I drove no,
I'm not the job I work, You can't define my worth
By nothing on God's green earth My identity is found in Christ...
...Identity is found in the God we trust, any other identity will self destruct.."
Lyrics from the song "Identity" by my favorite gospel hiphop artiste, Lecrae. Man, I totally love this song! First time I heard it was a couple of years in high school, back when I was torn in between a not-so-little girl and a young woman, trying to find her niche in life. But I'll come back to this a little later.
My e-dictionary defines identity as: who you are.
Another definition goes something like: The identity of a person or a place is the characteristics they have that distinguish them from others.
Okay, truth be told, I've been rather disturbed of late. Looking around my environment, it's rather evident that there's a certain wave of peer pressure that's being deeply taking root in people. In my opinion, this stems out from a lack of sense of worth and a great tonne of insecurity. I mean, there's a class of juvenile delinquents (I dare refer to them as such) who just hang out around each other all the time like a colony of little safari ants, downgrade and insult others to make themselves feel better, and most certainly think that being louder, moneyed and "bad" makes you that guy/girl. Not cool. Truth is, we were all born alone, and for sure we will return to dust SOLO! So the next time you decide to scream out YOLO with your buddies after downing yourself into a stupor from that lethal drink, remember that.
Back to my point...(clearly I digress a lot),it really helps to know who you really are, discover what makes you tick, find your true purpose in life, and ultimately find your identity in God. Just the other day, I bumped into a strange load of information. A certain blast from my past (not a cool blast, but a terrible one,ha!) was passing word round about how this mamacita (me) was miserable and could not live without him. This person further went to trash my name and said lotsa visibly false allegations. Guess what I did? I laughed! And that was it. I mean, if trying to make a sister feel small will give you sleep at night, knock yourself out honey! Thing is, I found who I was, what I wanted what my purpose was in life and that sure did not feature some people, so I cleared the clutter and here I am today.
I love sharing my experiences coz I believe there are some people out there that may identify with them. Back in high school, I faced a lot of rejection. Not very serious stuff, but I auditioned for some top notch clubs in school and unfortunately I did not get in to any of them. Needless to say, I was crushed, torn and heartbroken. To some this may not be a big deal, but for an overweight teenage girl battling with an illness and low self esteem, it is her world. I remember that day in form one, when I was "first formally rejected," I went to a certain tree, and cried my heart out...gawsh, I'm even getting teary as I write this. The following year was even worse. But in my third year, I hit rock bottom, my grades suffered immensely, as in, my report form had seen the range of the A's, the B's upto the E's, which was the last grade by the way! In a certain term, I was third from last in my class, yet when I joined secondary school I used be top of my class.
After I'd cried the tears till I could cry no more, I got tired and turned to my Maker; who was there all along by the way. And slowly, he lifted me up and gave me meaning for life. 3 years and a couple of heartbreaks later, here I am, happier than ever and thankful for the rain, coz it made me who I am today.
In short, NEVER ever peg your happiness or life on another person. That'll leave you unhappy, miserable and disappointed in the long run. I mean, God forbid, what if they die? what if they leave you? Does it mean your life's over too? Any time you feel tempted to look down on yourself, look into the mirror, and remind yourself that you are beautiful as you are, you are alive for a reason and God above all, loves you UNconditionally!!!
So, find yourself, find your IDENTITY,and be proud of that no matter what! There is no 'you' and there will never be anyone like you ever!!!
~When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right ones a chance to catch you~
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Enjoy the process
It's midnight, I am wide awake and that deeply sought-after sleep is nowhere to be found. But then again, that's what happens when you wake up at noon! (what? I'm on holiday!) Anyway, other than this vain Wendy Williams show, there really is nothing captivating to watch, despite the vast array of channels.Ironical, huh? Me thinks that tv was a whole lot better in the nineties when all we had was, The Bold and the Beautiful, The Flinstones, etc, etc. All the same I am terribly glad that the hood is quiet and I think it's because my highly inebriated neighbors must have blacked out or something..phew! Okay,, before I bore you with my detailed description of every little being in my vicinity, I'll get straight to the point. Right after I sip the very healthy vegetable juice my mama made me..(Love you mummy!!)
With reference to the title, you may be wondering what process I am referring to. I don't know about you but I tend to feel that with every stage a person finds themselves at in life, there is always some annoying pressure to move on quickly to the next. I.e, when you're through with high school, they ask, What are you doing with yourself? and no, bumming does not count as an answer. After a gruesome 4 years in a Kenyan high school, even a 2 year holiday would never be enough. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating but point is, you need to be "serious," that is, according to these kith and kin. Then enter campus. The question suddenly becomes, "Utagraduate lini?" And sure enough, you complete college. Time flies.
Before you even get to adjust to life 'out there,' they're already asking for a chunk of your salary yet you probably don't even have a job yet! You get your hustle on, make a living and enjoy your hard earned dimes. No sooner do you move out from your folks' house, than they start prying on your love life. Woe unto you if you are a lady clocking 30 and the only better half you own is your cute little poodle. They hint about marriage, introduce you to potential suitors (who are 99.9% of the time plain weird!).
The cycle continues; then one day you wake up. You're 80, your body has started caving in to old age and you realize you've wasted your life living under the expectations of other people. It's been said that "The pain of waiting is way less than the pain of regret." A very true statement if you ask me. Many a times we wanna grow up so quickly, jump to the next phase of life thinking it'll be more exciting only to realize that we missed out on the beautiful moments in our seasons, which we can never recapture. Honestly, most of the time I find myself dreaming of a happily-ever-after future and cursing the present. I guess frustration drives me to that corner and I end up etching these little scenarios in my head to make my heart feel better.
You see, of late I've been swamped with so much work; it's crazy and particularly overwhelming. So I let my frustrations known to my amazingly charming and wise beau, and his words brought things into perspective. We've got to learn to appreciate every little mountain and valley that comes our way. Of course as you get older, the obstacles get bigger, but your capacity to handle them increases as well, only if you cultivate a teachable spirit and learn to take challenges positively. It's really that simple!
Not forgetting; love who you are, remember that there is beauty in diversity and you are you for a reason. If you've ever read any of my posts you've probably figured that I am a teetotaler and not your ordinary 'Friday night out' party kind'a girl. I'd rather sit at home in the comfort of my gigantic bed with a novel and a mug of coffee. But that's just me. And I love it!!! In other words, find your style, what makes you tick and capitalize on it. Recognize the season you are in, live it out to the max and remember that the present is a gift. Make use of it, have fun, don't spend so much time and energy trying not to do wrong that you forget to do what's right...and there are consequences as well. Newton's third law of motion states that "To every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction." So, whenever YOLO becomes your new mantra, remember that.
With reference to the title, you may be wondering what process I am referring to. I don't know about you but I tend to feel that with every stage a person finds themselves at in life, there is always some annoying pressure to move on quickly to the next. I.e, when you're through with high school, they ask, What are you doing with yourself? and no, bumming does not count as an answer. After a gruesome 4 years in a Kenyan high school, even a 2 year holiday would never be enough. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating but point is, you need to be "serious," that is, according to these kith and kin. Then enter campus. The question suddenly becomes, "Utagraduate lini?" And sure enough, you complete college. Time flies.
Before you even get to adjust to life 'out there,' they're already asking for a chunk of your salary yet you probably don't even have a job yet! You get your hustle on, make a living and enjoy your hard earned dimes. No sooner do you move out from your folks' house, than they start prying on your love life. Woe unto you if you are a lady clocking 30 and the only better half you own is your cute little poodle. They hint about marriage, introduce you to potential suitors (who are 99.9% of the time plain weird!).
The cycle continues; then one day you wake up. You're 80, your body has started caving in to old age and you realize you've wasted your life living under the expectations of other people. It's been said that "The pain of waiting is way less than the pain of regret." A very true statement if you ask me. Many a times we wanna grow up so quickly, jump to the next phase of life thinking it'll be more exciting only to realize that we missed out on the beautiful moments in our seasons, which we can never recapture. Honestly, most of the time I find myself dreaming of a happily-ever-after future and cursing the present. I guess frustration drives me to that corner and I end up etching these little scenarios in my head to make my heart feel better.
You see, of late I've been swamped with so much work; it's crazy and particularly overwhelming. So I let my frustrations known to my amazingly charming and wise beau, and his words brought things into perspective. We've got to learn to appreciate every little mountain and valley that comes our way. Of course as you get older, the obstacles get bigger, but your capacity to handle them increases as well, only if you cultivate a teachable spirit and learn to take challenges positively. It's really that simple!
Not forgetting; love who you are, remember that there is beauty in diversity and you are you for a reason. If you've ever read any of my posts you've probably figured that I am a teetotaler and not your ordinary 'Friday night out' party kind'a girl. I'd rather sit at home in the comfort of my gigantic bed with a novel and a mug of coffee. But that's just me. And I love it!!! In other words, find your style, what makes you tick and capitalize on it. Recognize the season you are in, live it out to the max and remember that the present is a gift. Make use of it, have fun, don't spend so much time and energy trying not to do wrong that you forget to do what's right...and there are consequences as well. Newton's third law of motion states that "To every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction." So, whenever YOLO becomes your new mantra, remember that.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Dear Diary...
It's 6:00 a.m. and the weather outside is exceptionally gloomy. So much for the tonnes of sunshine. *sigh* It's probably for the best; the rain, that is. That sun has caused massive damage to this flawless skin of mine, ha!
So...I'm totally feeling reflective at this ungodly hour and switch on my Adele playlist. Yup! You know where I'm headed (smiles!) Okay diary, I've been thinking a lot, you know? (as always) and going down memory lane, I'm just remembering the choices I made in the past, the mistakes too and as some come back clearly in my head, all I can do is cringe! Like was that me? or did some alien invade my medulla oblongata and entire being as well? Somethings just don't add up! But that is life.
All in all, the stupid decisions I made back then taught me a lot. The experiences too gave me an insight as to what life is all about.They taught me that pain is real, heartbreak is real, death is real, sickness is real. I don't think I've ever shed as many tears as I did back then. Gotta commend this tear glands of mine, cheers man. I learnt to live through the different seasons of life and embrace each as it came.
Bittersweet. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to appreciate the good. Adele's lyrics,"...sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead..." were my favorite at some point.. (how?!) yet now I barely see the logic in that 'Someone like you' song. Diary? I am now a year older, 9 away from 30. I've learnt to have a teachable spirit, to put God first above all, that friends and family can never be replaced; especially in the pursuit of dreams and careers. Case in point, if *God forbid* you passed on today, a few weeks later your employers would replace you because work must be done. But your family? friends? they would always miss you and would never replace you. So, I think investing in relationships matters more at the end of the day.Period. I've learnt to love unconditionally, to let go when need be and to be the best to those around me.
Honestly, being a young beautiful woman in her early 20's (and no, I'm not bragging!) is no walk in the park. Many men that see me wanna bed me rather than wed me. Numerous girls my age lose themselves in the bottomless pit of alcoholism, drugs and cruel hands of lust; only to lose their identities and lives ultimately. I don't wanna be another statistic, of the girl that "had it" then "lost it." It's easy to smile, wear your Gucci, apply your Elizabeth Arden makeup (which I own by the way! but do I say..)and lie to the world that you're okay. But deep down inside, it's a battle. A battle to wake up and face yet another day. A battle to dry your tears and face your fears.and all those things that threaten to tear you up inside.
NO. Being a young unmarried woman in the 21st century is not easy! But why am I alive? Surely there must be a reason. Stacy Orrico puts it clearly in a song, "...there's gotta be more to life, than chasing about every temporary high to satisfy me..." I believe there must be a great reason for my being alive. Considering the number of times I've "cheated" death (for lack of a better phrase), that reason must be a pretty good one.
Nonetheless, I believe that God created every single person on this planet for a significant purpose. It is up to us, up to me, to find out what it is and live it out for Him. Life may seem difficult at times but the good news is,there's a manual with an answer to every need and it's called the Bible. Also, most importantly, I have a Father in heaven who I can talk to anywhere, anytime, and tell Him anything. He accepts me with all my imperfections and still loves me as I am. And His love for me is the best, most genuine and perfect love there ever is and ever will be!
So my dear diary, despite the hurdles this life may pose, I can face them. I can make it and fulfill my destiny and mission on this beautiful earth. I will make it.
*Kicking away the sheets*** Off to start my day!!
So...I'm totally feeling reflective at this ungodly hour and switch on my Adele playlist. Yup! You know where I'm headed (smiles!) Okay diary, I've been thinking a lot, you know? (as always) and going down memory lane, I'm just remembering the choices I made in the past, the mistakes too and as some come back clearly in my head, all I can do is cringe! Like was that me? or did some alien invade my medulla oblongata and entire being as well? Somethings just don't add up! But that is life.
All in all, the stupid decisions I made back then taught me a lot. The experiences too gave me an insight as to what life is all about.They taught me that pain is real, heartbreak is real, death is real, sickness is real. I don't think I've ever shed as many tears as I did back then. Gotta commend this tear glands of mine, cheers man. I learnt to live through the different seasons of life and embrace each as it came.
Bittersweet. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to appreciate the good. Adele's lyrics,"...sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead..." were my favorite at some point.. (how?!) yet now I barely see the logic in that 'Someone like you' song. Diary? I am now a year older, 9 away from 30. I've learnt to have a teachable spirit, to put God first above all, that friends and family can never be replaced; especially in the pursuit of dreams and careers. Case in point, if *God forbid* you passed on today, a few weeks later your employers would replace you because work must be done. But your family? friends? they would always miss you and would never replace you. So, I think investing in relationships matters more at the end of the day.Period. I've learnt to love unconditionally, to let go when need be and to be the best to those around me.
Honestly, being a young beautiful woman in her early 20's (and no, I'm not bragging!) is no walk in the park. Many men that see me wanna bed me rather than wed me. Numerous girls my age lose themselves in the bottomless pit of alcoholism, drugs and cruel hands of lust; only to lose their identities and lives ultimately. I don't wanna be another statistic, of the girl that "had it" then "lost it." It's easy to smile, wear your Gucci, apply your Elizabeth Arden makeup (which I own by the way! but do I say..)and lie to the world that you're okay. But deep down inside, it's a battle. A battle to wake up and face yet another day. A battle to dry your tears and face your fears.and all those things that threaten to tear you up inside.
NO. Being a young unmarried woman in the 21st century is not easy! But why am I alive? Surely there must be a reason. Stacy Orrico puts it clearly in a song, "...there's gotta be more to life, than chasing about every temporary high to satisfy me..." I believe there must be a great reason for my being alive. Considering the number of times I've "cheated" death (for lack of a better phrase), that reason must be a pretty good one.
Nonetheless, I believe that God created every single person on this planet for a significant purpose. It is up to us, up to me, to find out what it is and live it out for Him. Life may seem difficult at times but the good news is,there's a manual with an answer to every need and it's called the Bible. Also, most importantly, I have a Father in heaven who I can talk to anywhere, anytime, and tell Him anything. He accepts me with all my imperfections and still loves me as I am. And His love for me is the best, most genuine and perfect love there ever is and ever will be!
So my dear diary, despite the hurdles this life may pose, I can face them. I can make it and fulfill my destiny and mission on this beautiful earth. I will make it.
*Kicking away the sheets*** Off to start my day!!
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Just glad I didn't...
Just saw this blast from the past, a piece I wrote during my journey of self discovery a few years ago. Enjoy!
You came my way,you promised me the world
you promised me the moon and the stars,
that you would cross the oceans for me
you declared your undying love for me
you swore to be by my side day and night
...blah blah blah...
the list was endless....
You told me how much you loved me
you said I would make the perfect wife,
no...your perfect wife,
all you wanted was me...
To me, you seemed and sounded sincere
You met me wen I had no heart;
I cared less about what you felt or thought
but the sacrifices you were willing to make
touched a soft spot in what was left of me..
...I thought twice,but I'm just glad I didn't love you..
All of a sudden,you changed so drastically-it almost frightened me,
you didn't want me anymore..
not that I did anything wrong,but you were too full of yourself,
yet too afraid..
It didn't even hurt me at all
because I didn't give any bit of me to you..
Just glad I didn't let myself fall in love with you...
Then as I journeyed through this lovely life of mine,
y'all came my way....
you asked me to join your crowd
to do what everyone else did
to ''fit in'' and walk in the shadows under which you all did...
My gut told me I shouldn't
when I chose not to walk those same steps you followed,
y'all hated me and told me that I was being self-centered
you said I was selfish and extremely egotistical
you started hating me and sidelining me...
only because I didn't do what you wanted..
With time, I learnt that there was more to life,
I found myself, I learnt to hold my own,
Like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon,
I wrestled and wriggled and freed myself from my internal battles,
I learnt to appreciate the beauty in life,
to love, to hold, to cherish, to care..
All of which I would never have known if I stayed with you.
I'm only so glad I didn't....
By Rita Kay.
(Aug '10)
You came my way,you promised me the world
you promised me the moon and the stars,
that you would cross the oceans for me
you declared your undying love for me
you swore to be by my side day and night
...blah blah blah...
the list was endless....
You told me how much you loved me
you said I would make the perfect wife,
no...your perfect wife,
all you wanted was me...
To me, you seemed and sounded sincere
You met me wen I had no heart;
I cared less about what you felt or thought
but the sacrifices you were willing to make
touched a soft spot in what was left of me..
...I thought twice,but I'm just glad I didn't love you..
All of a sudden,you changed so drastically-it almost frightened me,
you didn't want me anymore..
not that I did anything wrong,but you were too full of yourself,
yet too afraid..
It didn't even hurt me at all
because I didn't give any bit of me to you..
Just glad I didn't let myself fall in love with you...
Then as I journeyed through this lovely life of mine,
y'all came my way....
you asked me to join your crowd
to do what everyone else did
to ''fit in'' and walk in the shadows under which you all did...
My gut told me I shouldn't
when I chose not to walk those same steps you followed,
y'all hated me and told me that I was being self-centered
you said I was selfish and extremely egotistical
you started hating me and sidelining me...
only because I didn't do what you wanted..
With time, I learnt that there was more to life,
I found myself, I learnt to hold my own,
Like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon,
I wrestled and wriggled and freed myself from my internal battles,
I learnt to appreciate the beauty in life,
to love, to hold, to cherish, to care..
All of which I would never have known if I stayed with you.
I'm only so glad I didn't....
By Rita Kay.
(Aug '10)
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