What is pain?

My dictionary puts it this way:

>>Pain is the feeling of great discomfort you have, for example when you have been hurt or when you are ill.

>>Pain is the feeling of unhappiness that you have when something unpleasant or upsetting happens.

You may be wondering where I'm getting at with this talk about pain. Considering the fact that right now almost everyone on social media is bubbling on and on about their happy holidays and the fun times, compounded with reflections amassed from 2012. It's everywhere actually; from the television to radio...kinda cliche if you ask me, so I'll just conform but with a slightly different approach.

As I pored through the pages of this addictive novel I've been reading, I let my mind wander a bit. I thought about the past 12 months, the highs and lows of my life and those of my loved ones; some memories brought shudders, others engulfed my frame with a wave of nostalgia. But one thing struck me in all this. During the times I underwent bouts of pain (i.e. physical, emotional...), my faith and resolve to pull through was pushed to a corner and challenged to the max. Human beings dread pain. I'm not talking about the cancer type of pain, that's different and rather sensitive altogether. What I'm referring to here is the type of pain that life swings our way on a daily basis; death, disappointments at work/school, broken friendships and relationships, emotional baggage...the list is endless.
Different people deal with these in different ways. While some find themselves a little too inebriated time and again, others choose less toxic outlets such as seeing therapists, talking about it and praying. But lets just face it, seldom do people resort to taking the latter option as a means to dealing with pain. More often than not, we shut up, keep it all inside and smile to the world as if everything's A-Okay! But guess what?

You can fool the world, but you can't fool yourself.

This song by Faith Evans:
If I had to do it all again, I wouldn't take away the pain coz I know it made me who I am...

Before I veer off the track, let me bring the point home. When we undergo experiences that thrush us out of our comfort zones, we are challenged to take risks and tread on paths that we may or may not like. Think about pain. It distracts you from thinking and feeling like you always do, simply because it takes you to an unfamiliar terrain and a not-too-pleasing level of discomfort. When life is smooth and the challenges that often accompany it are absent, we are tempted to become comfortable and take things for granted. Pain is one thing that sure puts things into perspective. At least that's how I choose to look at it. For instance, as Christians, in many cases we find our intercessory antennas on high alert when things are thick. True or true? Pain is a constant reminder albeit unpopular, of our human nature. Pain knows no social status, age, sex, race and any other label which human beings stamp on each other. It hits hard, any day, anytime, anywhere. In simple terms, pain is inevitable. However, how you to choose to react is all within your control. If you choose to end your life as a means to end your pain, so be it; but remember there's a consequence. If you choose to keep it all inside, do so, but ensure it does not eat you up or pore into your everyday activities. All in all, learn from it, and make the right choices henceforth.

Nevertheless, you do not have to wait for something big and painful to happen for you to take action in your life.

Don't wait to lose a loved one in order to realize the importance of showing love everyday.

Do not wait for disappointments to teach you lessons, without which you could have learnt.

Don't wait for problems to bombard your way in order to get down on your knees in prayer.


In short, what have I learned from 2012? Pray. Talk. Learn. Move on.


Happy Holidays and a Prosperous 2013 <3

Draw you Near...

Well, today I woke up with a heavy heart, not knowing what to think, what to pray for anymore. These days, there's barely anything to smile about...I mean, with all the deaths happening around us, sickness, political madness, it's too much. But in the midst of all this, or any other storm you may be facing in your life, God's love and peace is there to keep you, and His love is the only thing that can illuminate your life and strengthen you.

The first song that popped into mind was Out of Eden's, Draw you near. Here are lyrics and the link to the video as well. Be blessed!

"I woke up on this morning
And misery surrounded me
And I am forced to face a day
I didn't even want to begin
God knows I'm going through it
And it's hard to imagine I can make it this time
As my sadness mounts I pray that this day will end
Cry myself to sleep and then start again

When the world loses its luster
And you're feeling sad and lonely
And you need someone to be there
In your time of need
You can turn your eyes to the heavens
And their creator's watching over you
With arms of love to hold you and draw you near

You're in the midst of heartache
Perhaps you've lost a loved one
Lost all your faith-can barely pray
For the strength you need to go on
Well, darling don't give up now
I know that inevitably this too shall pass
Trouble doesn't last always
Hold on through the pain
I believe the sun will outlast your rain..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlryPIZDowM"

The Walls of Love

First off, I'll start by apologizing for the profound silence, my semester projects have taken quite a toll on me. They've been really tough yet enjoyable in equal measure. All the same, there's this little, (okay it's not so little) issue regarding relationships, and marriage to some extent that's been on my mind for a while now, and it's about time I said something.

I know there's been this hullabaloo and endless talk over the past decade about modern-day dating and all that comes along with it. Common terms go something like, no strings attached, come-we-stay, open relationship, and that Cecile song where she says she would cook, clean, and do all those wifely duties for her man, although there's no mention of marriage anywhere in the song. Get my drift? Nonetheless, we justify these little untruths, so to speak, with the fact that we are living in the 21st century. Lies I tell you! If we claim that the moral parameters that our parents and grandparents lived in are archaic and irrelevant, then why is it that we have hearts breaking all around us everyday? Why are there so many baby mamas struggling to bring up their little ones on their own? Why are so many people being caught up in the sting of sexually transmitted diseases? Why are people finding themselves bound in painful pasts, unable to let go of former flames?

Something somewhere isn't right. And can't really put my finger on where we lost it. Anyway, not so long ago while growing up, our mums and aunties taught us young girls not to let men touch us, or we'd fall pregnant. Pregnancy out of wedlock was painted as a huge sin, which would taint a girl's destiny forever, although it's evident that this isn't always the case. There was always that one girl/guy we were told never to emulate or we'd be doomed for life. I guess this new age thinking got some of us out the box of "tradition" and "values" which were actually out to help us in the long run.

Nowadays, a great load of the content that characterizes our magazines has got to do with relationships and the juicy stuff that teases the eye. And many headlines go something like, "Why can't I find a decent man?" or "Why can't I stay attracted to the same guy/girl?" The answer is really simple in my opinion. These days, we ladies in particular make it very easy for guys to have their way with us and move on to the next conquest like nothing ever happened. Reason being, we give them benefits which are quite similar to what their married counterparts receive in their matrimonial homes, probably even more than they do. So, if a single guy is getting the same great thing from more different women, what solid reason would he have to stay committed to one? Don't get me wrong, I'm speaking from a very abstract point of view. There are some pretty good respectful guys out there, as well as money-thirsty and material-driven ladies too.

What I'm driving at is that today, it is quite rare to find romantically involved partners operating within certain boundaries. I guess, that's because we choose not to have them. Rules and boundaries are there to help us, not to punish us. For instance, soccer (the game which most male folk are so fond of)wouldn't be soccer if its rules did not exist. And that's the beauty of it. Think about walls. They set distinctions as to how far you can go, and allow some sense of privacy. I bet every human being has come across some set of rules somewhere along the journey of life. Be it in the home, school, at work, on the roads; these rules help maintain an impeccable sense of order and sanity. Therefore, if we can religiously follow rules and guidelines set by other people, why can't we implement the same in our relationships and friendships?

Please correct me if I'm wrong but I think that there is a large group of peeps out there with double standards. Serious double standards! Too many guys say that they love a girl with self-respect, standards, takes care of herself, blah blah blah, and if she's a virgin? That's a plus! However, these same people are the ones who go out there, deflower everything in a skirt then sit back and say, "I want me a good woman." Really? Hypocritical is an understatement. As my Statistics Professor once said, you think you're the bad-a** guy? Wait till you get children of your own. And you will pay for all the sins you committed as a young person. In short, to find the one, be the one.

To put things into perspective, this what I'm saying. Just because every mag and tabloid out there tells you to do something, doesn't mean you have to. So far through my own experiences (and those of others), I've learned that patience is a virtue. It pays to wait. There's also nothing as important as making peace with yourself and believing in your capability to achieve the best. If you have inner confidence and a great level of self-worth, nothing and no one will deter you from getting that which you deserve. If you want to make it big in life, it starts from the inside. You cannot afford to live an ordinary life just like everyone else. Self-discipline and boundaries in your life are things that you may need to incorporate in your every-day dealings.

With regard to what I mentioned earlier about relationships and marriage, I am convinced now more than ever that following Biblical principles and making them yours is the way to go. Just last Saturday, I attended a close-friend's wedding. The preacher gave a very realistic sermonette about marriage, and what stood out most for me is that a chord of 3 strands is not easily broken (i.e. God, you, your partner). The mistake which lots of couples make today is letting too many people in their love lives, and allowing them to run the show. Hence the importance of setting clear, distinct boundaries. She further conducted a little exercise to prove that marriage indeed does last. She asked couples who'd been married for 0-5 years to stand; 6-10, 11-15...and believe you me they were many! The oldest couple present had been married for 48 years and the man said he loved his "girl" at that time more than ever. In short, the world may tell you that there's a shortcut, but we all know that shortcuts lead to hell.

Bottomline? God, the Bible, morals. They will take you where others cannot.


~Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment~ Maxwell Maltz