― Jon Katz
Yeah, 4 months since I wrote. Blame it on that phenomenon called 'writers block.' So for the past 14 or so days, I've been indoors. All curled up at home with lots of movies and housework to keep me going. But the real thing that's been on my mind is this mysterious subject called friendship. Really, what is friendship? Who is a friend? How do you measure your 'level' of friendship?
Methinks that there are friends who are meant to see us through specific seasons of our lives, others are there for simple company and there are those who are meant to last for a lifetime. Of course those in the latter category usually end up being a handful. Anyway, I really do feel saddened, that these days friendship isn't what it used to be, or what it ought to be. Blame technology, careers, changing times where everyone is out there busy doing something, chasing Benjamin's baby and driving fast on the superhighway to getting rich. Is it worth it? So blinded are we that we put these material things before the thing that matters most. Love. But all the same, when you have to go to your friend's social media account to see what they have been upto and how they are fairing, then there is cause for alarm. I mean, ever been on the receiving end of silent treatment from a boyfriend or girlfriend, only to go to their Twitter/Facebook page and bamm! There lies all the answers? The emotional updates and flirty comments almost certainly let you know what course of action to take.
Benevolence, brotherhood, cordiality, good-will, camaraderie are all beautiful flowery words associated with friendship. Then why is that actual friendships today are more often than not characterized with deep silence, conniving and backstabbing mannerisms? What happened to friendship meaning something in a love relationship? For sure I've never been married, but many of those who've walked down that road state matter-of-factly that it all boils down to friendship. Feelings fade, outward beauty fades but friendship, true meaningful friendship lasts a lifetime. Not too long ago, I was privileged to interact with a renown Professor, an elderly Mzungu guy, who's been happily married to his sweetheart for a whopping 63 years. If that's not love, then I don't know what is...Even in his old age, he still opens the door for her, holds her hand and for sure they look like a couple in love who just got married. And he stated that she was not just his wife but best friend as well. (I wish all these brothers that hit on us could borrow a leaf or something!)
“You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
Nonetheless, I came with a few simple steps to building and maintaining friendships:
i) Be a friend- It's easy to point out the flaws in others but seldom recognize your own. It's that simple, be a friend first and friendship will come to you.
ii) Communicate- Call, text, tweet...in short, stay in touch. The upside of technology is that distance is just but a little gap which can be easily bridged. A simple 'hi' once in a while can go a long way in making a friendship have meaning.
iii) Remember: It takes two to tango- A friendship is always two-way. Both parties have to work hard at making it work. There's nothing as frustrating as feeling like you're in it alone. (Speaking from experience; past and current)
iv) Put God at the centre of it all- The greatest book ever written states in Ecclesiastes that a cord of 3 strands can not be easily broken. With God as the binding factor in your friendship, it will stand all storms, tests and trials.
Go out there and be a friend, I know I will!
Deep and true words.
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