The umbrella term, ‘media’ is one that is all too familiar with the common mwananchi. It broadly refers to journalists and gatekeepers such as editors and producers, whose primary mandate is to provide citizens with information and news; which should be factual, relevant and ethical. Nevertheless, this right by the media to air and publish whatever they want has been abused over time. Therefore, the media should not be allowed to broadcast anything it wishes.
Recently, a local television station aired the Tana River killings story, and the images that were broadcast in that news item were gruesome, bloody and mentally-disturbing. Similarly, a video was uploaded on YouTube and it showed three people who were alleged to be witches, being lynched to death by a local angry mob. Every bit of the ghastly process was shown; from being beaten up thoroughly until they were burnt to mere ashes. Judging by the quality of the camera shots, you could easily decipher the fact that the video had been recorded by a professional. Needless to say, faint-hearted people like myself who watched it barely slept a wink that night, as those grotesque images were so vividly etched in my mind.
If the media is left to air anything and everything it so wishes, will it not be a surprise if ethical issues crop up? It has been said time and again that, “With freedom comes responsibility,” and this principle definitely applies to the media as well. Thus, the media has a moral obligation to present material that is true, well-crafted and ethically sound to its audience. Furthermore, it should humbly accept responsibility for any damage caused to its viewers and society at large.
All the same, a line should be drawn to answer the question, “How far is too far,” with regard to freedom of the press. However, if the media gatekeepers are solely left to draw this line, then obviously they will implement one-sided and biased policies. Likewise, if the government too is purely left to do so, it will also seek to satisfy personal own interests and motives. For that reason, a group should be formed to perform this daunting but essential task. It should cut across the social divide and comprise of credible religious leaders, media owners and gatekeepers, trade union representatives, political and human rights activists, just to name a few.
In short, every single item that is broadcast or published by the media should undergo the universal litmus test of ethics:
Ensure that it is comprehensive and factual.
What are the relevant obligations?
What are the values involved?
What are the possible consequences, i.e. who is likely to be affected and how?
If it comfortably answers all the above, then it is safe to broadcast to the public.
Friday, 21 September 2012
I will give IF and when I want!
Just before I get my point across, you should know that I am penning this down with alot of emotion in my heart, so if it lacks a sense of rationality, please bear with me.
At one point in your life, your help is likely to be sought by another party, for one reason or two and as the good book puts it, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" Nonetheless, some people take this statement a bit too seriously and almost wanna force it down your throat. Case in point: Recently, I was taking a stroll with my friend somewhere this side of the Sahara. Suddenly, someone popped up from who-knows-where asking us to donate blood and it would not cost a thing. Before we could even exhale, he further stated that there were people in hospital on the brink of death, whose very existence could be determined by our willingness to give blood. Coincidentally, my good friend and me could not donate blood for health reasons best known to us. And so we told our brother the issue and he took us on a guilt trip, outlining statistics (obviously crammed) about how important it was to give blood, save a life, etc etc. A noble cause indeed, but of what gain would it be if we gave blood then ended up needing it again due to health reasons? Needless to say, we just had to walk away in order to avoid further confrontation.
Again, I've found myself in situations whereby people literally forced me to take donation cards despite my statements that my finances were not looking too good. I love helping out where I can, and would even go out of my way to do it. But that is a choice! So when you send me text messages reminding me that I "owe you money," what kind of taste is that supposed to leave in my mouth? Get serious people!
However, the situation that pushed me to jot down this post happened a few days ago. The worst confrontation I've ever had with a friend as yet. For the sake of privacy, I will not state the gender of this person. You see, my once good pal has this business where he/she sells stuff to make that little extra buck besides pocket money. And his/her friends support him/her. This person is one sure (overly) aggressive marketer and could probably sell a fridge to an eskimo, given the chance. So on a certain day, I was tired, scorched by the Athi sun (which I think is twenty times hotter by the way) and my wallet was very very slim. I was flat broke! Get my drift? Long story short, this dear comrade convinced me to purchase his/her wares, despite my firm insistence that my core policy was never to take goods on credit. He/she reassured me that it was alright and that I could give the cash anytime (read: when I was ready). I took it, ki-shingo upande but I made it clear that I'd return if I didn't like it. And he/she was cool with that.
Fast forward: a week later, he/she calls and I'm like, ooooh, I'd totally forgotten. So I tell this person that "the item" wasn't my type. Talk about hell on earth?! He/she burst into fits of rage, claiming that I should honour my obligation, pay up ASAP and called me all sorts of names I tell you! Needless to say, like the lady I am, I sent this person their money and gave him/her a tip or two about business ethics.
No.1 - the customer is always right, even when they are wrong.
No.2 - Trust and customer loyalty do not come overnight and once broken, are difficult to rebuild.
This so-called friend left a bitter taste in my mouth and I vehemently vowed never to even consider buying anything from him/her again. At some point however, I thought I was a bit too harsh, but when other people concurred with my assertions, my heart was at rest.
At the end of the day, giving is a choice. If you have the ability, go ahead. If you can't, make it clear and stand your ground. If you've ever travelled in some of our local transport means, you may have come across the 'mobile preachers' who'll curse you to hell if you do not support their ministry with a "little token." All the same, God sees your heart, He is the ultimate judge of your actions and if you ask me, I think that is all that matters; you do not need anyone else's approval!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact ~George Eliot
At one point in your life, your help is likely to be sought by another party, for one reason or two and as the good book puts it, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" Nonetheless, some people take this statement a bit too seriously and almost wanna force it down your throat. Case in point: Recently, I was taking a stroll with my friend somewhere this side of the Sahara. Suddenly, someone popped up from who-knows-where asking us to donate blood and it would not cost a thing. Before we could even exhale, he further stated that there were people in hospital on the brink of death, whose very existence could be determined by our willingness to give blood. Coincidentally, my good friend and me could not donate blood for health reasons best known to us. And so we told our brother the issue and he took us on a guilt trip, outlining statistics (obviously crammed) about how important it was to give blood, save a life, etc etc. A noble cause indeed, but of what gain would it be if we gave blood then ended up needing it again due to health reasons? Needless to say, we just had to walk away in order to avoid further confrontation.
Again, I've found myself in situations whereby people literally forced me to take donation cards despite my statements that my finances were not looking too good. I love helping out where I can, and would even go out of my way to do it. But that is a choice! So when you send me text messages reminding me that I "owe you money," what kind of taste is that supposed to leave in my mouth? Get serious people!
However, the situation that pushed me to jot down this post happened a few days ago. The worst confrontation I've ever had with a friend as yet. For the sake of privacy, I will not state the gender of this person. You see, my once good pal has this business where he/she sells stuff to make that little extra buck besides pocket money. And his/her friends support him/her. This person is one sure (overly) aggressive marketer and could probably sell a fridge to an eskimo, given the chance. So on a certain day, I was tired, scorched by the Athi sun (which I think is twenty times hotter by the way) and my wallet was very very slim. I was flat broke! Get my drift? Long story short, this dear comrade convinced me to purchase his/her wares, despite my firm insistence that my core policy was never to take goods on credit. He/she reassured me that it was alright and that I could give the cash anytime (read: when I was ready). I took it, ki-shingo upande but I made it clear that I'd return if I didn't like it. And he/she was cool with that.
Fast forward: a week later, he/she calls and I'm like, ooooh, I'd totally forgotten. So I tell this person that "the item" wasn't my type. Talk about hell on earth?! He/she burst into fits of rage, claiming that I should honour my obligation, pay up ASAP and called me all sorts of names I tell you! Needless to say, like the lady I am, I sent this person their money and gave him/her a tip or two about business ethics.
No.1 - the customer is always right, even when they are wrong.
No.2 - Trust and customer loyalty do not come overnight and once broken, are difficult to rebuild.
This so-called friend left a bitter taste in my mouth and I vehemently vowed never to even consider buying anything from him/her again. At some point however, I thought I was a bit too harsh, but when other people concurred with my assertions, my heart was at rest.
At the end of the day, giving is a choice. If you have the ability, go ahead. If you can't, make it clear and stand your ground. If you've ever travelled in some of our local transport means, you may have come across the 'mobile preachers' who'll curse you to hell if you do not support their ministry with a "little token." All the same, God sees your heart, He is the ultimate judge of your actions and if you ask me, I think that is all that matters; you do not need anyone else's approval!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact ~George Eliot
Friday, 14 September 2012
K.I.S.S.
K.I.S.S. >> Keep It Simple Stupid!!
Now before you think I'm depicting rudeness or vulgarity, just hear me out. This is a simple PR rule I came across the other day as I was carrying out my daily readings. In Public Relations lingo, the whole idea is to avoid ambiguity in everything one does. This cuts across from PR pieces, to presentations and all other activities pertaining to the work in which the practitioner may be engaged.
However, I believe that this rule should apply to every individual regardless of their career or background. For instance, in church, the preacher may have a wonderful, well-crafted message but it's effectiveness squarely lies in delivery. In other words, the fastest way to lose your congregation is to have a very lengthy sermon with vague illustrations or terminologies that beat around the bush. And this applies to all forms of communication in all avenues of life, i.e. newspaper articles, presentations, lectures, etc.
In short, when you have a message to put across to another party, keep it as simple, clear and concise as possible. Avoid using words whose meaning you're ill aware of and be conscious of your audience. For example, if your audience comprises children, tailor your message to suit them. If adults, do likewise.
It's really that simple!
Now before you think I'm depicting rudeness or vulgarity, just hear me out. This is a simple PR rule I came across the other day as I was carrying out my daily readings. In Public Relations lingo, the whole idea is to avoid ambiguity in everything one does. This cuts across from PR pieces, to presentations and all other activities pertaining to the work in which the practitioner may be engaged.
However, I believe that this rule should apply to every individual regardless of their career or background. For instance, in church, the preacher may have a wonderful, well-crafted message but it's effectiveness squarely lies in delivery. In other words, the fastest way to lose your congregation is to have a very lengthy sermon with vague illustrations or terminologies that beat around the bush. And this applies to all forms of communication in all avenues of life, i.e. newspaper articles, presentations, lectures, etc.
In short, when you have a message to put across to another party, keep it as simple, clear and concise as possible. Avoid using words whose meaning you're ill aware of and be conscious of your audience. For example, if your audience comprises children, tailor your message to suit them. If adults, do likewise.
It's really that simple!
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Grandma told me...
Feels so great to be back! The break I took was well worth it and yours truly was able to gather lots of information and stuff to write about...so be rest assured that weighty content will be buzzing soon from this side of the Sahara.
About a fortnight ago, I took a trip upcountry, somewhere on the slopes of the mighty Mount Kenya. I went to visit my family, and particularly my aging grandma. The experience was one of a kind, I tell you. From cooking the traditional way (firewood) to being chased by irate geese around the shamba, it was quite something. From day one, I knew that this would be exciting. I boarded a shuttle from the City in the Sun at around midday, and ensured that I had all the necessary paraphernalia in check- money, earphones, flavored water, lip gloss, snacks, the list is endless, i.e. anything else you'd expect to find in a lady's handbag, especially when traveling!
It was a smooth ride although the number of accidents we saw along the way sent me into constant conversation with my Maker, just in case I didn't make it to my destination. But since I am writing this, we can safely say I made it safe and sound. Next, I boarded a taxi. Before you start thinking that it 's the fancy kind, let me make it clear that the definition of a taxi in Meru county is something shaped like a probox and carries passengers twice its capacity. Get my drift? So, as this city-bred lass maneuvered her way around the town looking for the stage, some shameless miraa-chewing men kept making passes at her, thinking she was one of the naive types, but oh well...I'll leave it at that. I boarded a taxi, alongside seven other people. Let's just say it was one uncomfortable ride, considering the fact that some of us were massively blessed in some areas! On reaching my second home, it felt good to breathe the fresh clean country air, mingle with the village folk and appreciate God's unmatched creation-the animals and beautiful surrounding.
I'll cut to the chase and share some of the precious pearls of wisdom which my only surviving grandparent shared with me:
1. Alcohol- Avoid at all costs. It's that simple. She made it clear to me that these days, so many young people were consuming alcohol and in the long run, it would send them to their graves faster than they'd ever imagine. I couldn't agree more, considering the fact that she's over 100 years old and still as healthy as a newborn. At that point it hit me that she was very bitter about the issue, as she'd seen many go down that road and messed up their lives as a result.
2. Marriage- (Funny how I came across a handful of people during my short stay there and they all had advice to give about marriage. It left me wondering if they thought I was getting married...maybe I missed that memo?!)
With regard to this, cucu told me about her experiences in life, particularly during the Maumau era, how she played a substantive role-together with other women- in taking care of the fighters and hiding them in their homes from the ruthless British soldiers. The lesson here was, marriage is both for better AND for worse. Period. She began venting on the way young people were rushing to tie the knot, only to call it quits a short while later. Also, she advised me that when I did get married, I was to respect my in-laws, come what may. That was not an option. Word!
3. Hard work- Pretty clear and to the point. There was no shortcut in life, and in order to get something, one had to work very hard and smart for it.
4. Humility- Lastly, she pointed out that it didn't matter how much success and fame a person acquired in the course of life; without humility, it was all in vain. She said it very harshly and reminded me that I should remember where I've come from and all those that contributed to making me who I am today.
Truth be told, after that eye-opening lesson,I was filled with more resolve to be the best and to live a purposeful meaningful life and impact the world.
About a fortnight ago, I took a trip upcountry, somewhere on the slopes of the mighty Mount Kenya. I went to visit my family, and particularly my aging grandma. The experience was one of a kind, I tell you. From cooking the traditional way (firewood) to being chased by irate geese around the shamba, it was quite something. From day one, I knew that this would be exciting. I boarded a shuttle from the City in the Sun at around midday, and ensured that I had all the necessary paraphernalia in check- money, earphones, flavored water, lip gloss, snacks, the list is endless, i.e. anything else you'd expect to find in a lady's handbag, especially when traveling!
It was a smooth ride although the number of accidents we saw along the way sent me into constant conversation with my Maker, just in case I didn't make it to my destination. But since I am writing this, we can safely say I made it safe and sound. Next, I boarded a taxi. Before you start thinking that it 's the fancy kind, let me make it clear that the definition of a taxi in Meru county is something shaped like a probox and carries passengers twice its capacity. Get my drift? So, as this city-bred lass maneuvered her way around the town looking for the stage, some shameless miraa-chewing men kept making passes at her, thinking she was one of the naive types, but oh well...I'll leave it at that. I boarded a taxi, alongside seven other people. Let's just say it was one uncomfortable ride, considering the fact that some of us were massively blessed in some areas! On reaching my second home, it felt good to breathe the fresh clean country air, mingle with the village folk and appreciate God's unmatched creation-the animals and beautiful surrounding.
I'll cut to the chase and share some of the precious pearls of wisdom which my only surviving grandparent shared with me:
1. Alcohol- Avoid at all costs. It's that simple. She made it clear to me that these days, so many young people were consuming alcohol and in the long run, it would send them to their graves faster than they'd ever imagine. I couldn't agree more, considering the fact that she's over 100 years old and still as healthy as a newborn. At that point it hit me that she was very bitter about the issue, as she'd seen many go down that road and messed up their lives as a result.
2. Marriage- (Funny how I came across a handful of people during my short stay there and they all had advice to give about marriage. It left me wondering if they thought I was getting married...maybe I missed that memo?!)
With regard to this, cucu told me about her experiences in life, particularly during the Maumau era, how she played a substantive role-together with other women- in taking care of the fighters and hiding them in their homes from the ruthless British soldiers. The lesson here was, marriage is both for better AND for worse. Period. She began venting on the way young people were rushing to tie the knot, only to call it quits a short while later. Also, she advised me that when I did get married, I was to respect my in-laws, come what may. That was not an option. Word!
3. Hard work- Pretty clear and to the point. There was no shortcut in life, and in order to get something, one had to work very hard and smart for it.
4. Humility- Lastly, she pointed out that it didn't matter how much success and fame a person acquired in the course of life; without humility, it was all in vain. She said it very harshly and reminded me that I should remember where I've come from and all those that contributed to making me who I am today.
Truth be told, after that eye-opening lesson,I was filled with more resolve to be the best and to live a purposeful meaningful life and impact the world.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Teen Creed
A little set of instructions I came across the other day...
Don't let your parents down, they brought you up
Be humble enough to obey, you may give orders someday
Choose companions with care: you are what they are
Guard your thoughts,
what you think, you are
Choose only a date who would make a good mate
Be master of your habits; or they will master you
Don't be a show-off when you drive,
drive with safety and arrive
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
stand for something or you'll fall for anything
~Author Unknown~
Don't let your parents down, they brought you up
Be humble enough to obey, you may give orders someday
Choose companions with care: you are what they are
Guard your thoughts,
what you think, you are
Choose only a date who would make a good mate
Be master of your habits; or they will master you
Don't be a show-off when you drive,
drive with safety and arrive
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
stand for something or you'll fall for anything
~Author Unknown~
Friday, 20 July 2012
19th July, 2012...
So, yesterday was a very unique day in the rambunctious life of one Miss RKT. I took part in a simulation program held by a non-profit organization which I will refer to as organization X. What simulation basically entails is creating a make-believe disaster scenario in order for trainee volunteer workers to gain first-hand experience of what actually happens in real disasters. The storyline in this case was that there was a certain Islam-dominated country that was bombarded with internal civil unrest, thus many had to flee and seek refuge in another country, which on the other hand was largely Christian. This is where my colleagues and I came in. We were acting as refugees in this neighboring country; Organization X stepped in to offer relief aid in terms of food and medical services.
The role I was assigned was to act as a heavily expectant woman who was in pain and on the brink of giving birth. In the same "clinic" in which I was stationed, there were those who had been shot, others brutally raped while the rest had an array of serious wounds and diseases, most of which were communicable.
Acting out this part gave us all a somewhat flimsy depiction of how it felt to be a refugee. The hospital for one, was understaffed, ill-equipped and countless journalists came to interview us, some with little regard for our pain and only selfishly aiming to get a story to tell the world. It was a bit scary at first-getting into character, but as soon as I got the hang of it, it seemed to be a walk in the park. At some point I remember feeling so helpless as I shouted and screamed for help, yet no one seemed to care. Sadly, that's the situation in many refugee camps and even in hospitals in our society today.
Nevertheless, we had a debriefing session with the Communication Directors and they congratulated us on making the scenario seem so real and bringing to life in a vivid yet humane way. In turn, we got to give them feedback regarding how the journalists and volunteer workers behaved, which we did explicitly and in a candid fashion.
All the same, when the day came to a close, I was tired beyond reason but let my mind wander a bit as I reflected on the day's events. The main thing that struck me was in regard to ethics in journalism and the extent to which our very own journalists uphold them. A quick look at the papers today (figuratively) reveals just how little regard many journalists have for humanity and ethics in general. Grisly images showing human beings like you and I in dire need, grace the media a little too often. Some justify this argument by claiming that it is their obligation to show the world the situation as it is. It is indeed true that the first obligation a journalist has is to the truth, then to the citizens. However, other considerations should be put into play;for instance, if a photo is to be published, showing an accident and seriously injured people, how is the family of the affected person supposed to feel? Furthermore, when people have been bereaved, we sometimes get to see journalists rushing to ask questions in a bid to get a story for their bulletins; in spite of the shock and trauma a person may be undergoing.
This reminds me of a journalist, who sometime back took a picture showing a thin, emaciated and malnourished child, with a voluptuous vulture behind the child. That image moved the world to tears, but sadly the child was eaten was eaten by the monstrous scavenger. Subsequently, many poured out their solidarity and support to those dying of hunger, while others criticized the journalist and asserted that as a human being, he should have helped the child out first and foremost. Needless to say, his conscience must have eaten him up inside, as he subsequently ended up taking his own life.
Issues revolving around ethics and media still continue to be argued time and again. However, before one makes any ethical/moral decision, the following considerations (which I picked up from my ethics class) must be made:
-Study the details, understand them and get the facts right.
-What are the relevant obligations?
-What are the values involved?
-What are the possible consequences; i.e. who is likely to be affected and how.
When all said and done, my advice to you is to exercise ethics in your decisions, profession and everyday life. Let us make this society a better place to live in for ourselves and the generations to come.
A person educated in mind and not in morals is a menace to society
-Juanita Kidd Stout
The role I was assigned was to act as a heavily expectant woman who was in pain and on the brink of giving birth. In the same "clinic" in which I was stationed, there were those who had been shot, others brutally raped while the rest had an array of serious wounds and diseases, most of which were communicable.
Acting out this part gave us all a somewhat flimsy depiction of how it felt to be a refugee. The hospital for one, was understaffed, ill-equipped and countless journalists came to interview us, some with little regard for our pain and only selfishly aiming to get a story to tell the world. It was a bit scary at first-getting into character, but as soon as I got the hang of it, it seemed to be a walk in the park. At some point I remember feeling so helpless as I shouted and screamed for help, yet no one seemed to care. Sadly, that's the situation in many refugee camps and even in hospitals in our society today.
Nevertheless, we had a debriefing session with the Communication Directors and they congratulated us on making the scenario seem so real and bringing to life in a vivid yet humane way. In turn, we got to give them feedback regarding how the journalists and volunteer workers behaved, which we did explicitly and in a candid fashion.
All the same, when the day came to a close, I was tired beyond reason but let my mind wander a bit as I reflected on the day's events. The main thing that struck me was in regard to ethics in journalism and the extent to which our very own journalists uphold them. A quick look at the papers today (figuratively) reveals just how little regard many journalists have for humanity and ethics in general. Grisly images showing human beings like you and I in dire need, grace the media a little too often. Some justify this argument by claiming that it is their obligation to show the world the situation as it is. It is indeed true that the first obligation a journalist has is to the truth, then to the citizens. However, other considerations should be put into play;for instance, if a photo is to be published, showing an accident and seriously injured people, how is the family of the affected person supposed to feel? Furthermore, when people have been bereaved, we sometimes get to see journalists rushing to ask questions in a bid to get a story for their bulletins; in spite of the shock and trauma a person may be undergoing.
This reminds me of a journalist, who sometime back took a picture showing a thin, emaciated and malnourished child, with a voluptuous vulture behind the child. That image moved the world to tears, but sadly the child was eaten was eaten by the monstrous scavenger. Subsequently, many poured out their solidarity and support to those dying of hunger, while others criticized the journalist and asserted that as a human being, he should have helped the child out first and foremost. Needless to say, his conscience must have eaten him up inside, as he subsequently ended up taking his own life.
Issues revolving around ethics and media still continue to be argued time and again. However, before one makes any ethical/moral decision, the following considerations (which I picked up from my ethics class) must be made:
-Study the details, understand them and get the facts right.
-What are the relevant obligations?
-What are the values involved?
-What are the possible consequences; i.e. who is likely to be affected and how.
When all said and done, my advice to you is to exercise ethics in your decisions, profession and everyday life. Let us make this society a better place to live in for ourselves and the generations to come.
A person educated in mind and not in morals is a menace to society
-Juanita Kidd Stout
Monday, 9 July 2012
The 7-letter word...
*sigh* I've been putting off this topic for a while now but oh well, guess it's about time I talked about it. The dreaded 7-letter word for anyone in a happy, loving relationship. Yes, you got it right, "break-up" it is. The dictionary definition for this "the act of finishing or coming to an end because the people involved decide that it is not working successfully." Pretty succinct and to the point.
Having undergone a couple of them myself not so long ago, I understand the pain, drama, tears and emotional turmoil involved. The most important thing to note however is that no two break-ups are ever the same; and the all-too-common cliche, 'What don't kill you makes you stronger.' I find myself questioning, what it is that turns two happy smitten lovers into sworn enemies overnight? It's funny how at the prime of most relationships, there is so much joy, lovey-dovey feelings and the certain belief that you'll both weather the storms, the rain and the rainbows.
Nevertheless, Some relationships work, some don't. Actually many do not work out, and can be attributed to numerous factors such as infidelity, money issues and the realization that those they saw to be somewhat "perfect" are quite the opposite of what they reckoned them to be.
Nonetheless, I will give general tips I've learnt along the way on how to move on after a break-up with a loved one.
1. Honor how you feel- It is very important to let yourself realize that you are hurting and it's okay to let it all out. Whichever method you need to use to vent- do it. You can cry, talk, write, scream...Let it all out. Many people try to cover up their pain with the "I'm okay" facade, but it tears you apart inside eventually.
I remember undergoing a break-up which left me in so much pain, and I would cry myself to sleep for weeks on end. However, God, my family and closest friends helped me up greatly and saw me through that tough phase of life, which eventually came to an end.
2. Avoid the other person- Okay, people have differing views on this but for me, I don't believe that ex's can go back to being friends again. Maybe as acquaintances but not bosom buddies. Well, of course that squarely depends on the circumstances surrounding your break-up, though in most cases, it makes it harder for you to move on. So I feel that if you want to move on? Keep away from him/her or things that remind you of them, where possible.
3. Remember that it's a passing cloud- If it wasn't meant to be, for sure it will not work out. It may seem painful at the time, but hold on to the hope, no matter how faint; that it'll be okay and the pain will go away eventually. The sun for sure will outlast your rain only if you let it.
4. Forgive- A very difficult thing to do but has countless benefits once you choose to do it. I cannot over-emphasize on the importance of letting go of a "former" loved one. Biblical principles teach that forgiving an adversary is like heaping burning coals on the other person's head. Simply, they expect you to treat them with animosity but when you do the contrary, you save yourself a lot of anguish and emotional burden.
This doesn't go without saying that definitely at one point you will feel angry at the other person, but just do not let that anger last. Also, resist the urge to revenge no matter how tempting it may seem. It's been said over and over that vengeance is like taking a glass of poison and expecting your enemy to die. Enough said.
5. Do something new- it could be a new hairdo, shopping (for shopaholics like myself), work out...find the one thing that tickles your fancy; is out of your comfort zone and exploit it to the maximum. Believe you me, you will feel much better and you'll realize that there's so much more to life only if you open your eyes to this realization.
6. Lastly and most importantly, Pray- Put your trust in God and realize that it is only He who has the power to heal and give peace. My Biblical backing for this is the verse that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
As I conclude, I'd like you to know that if you are going through a tough time, remember that it will fade away, find your solace in Christ and for sure he will see you through. I did it and have never regretted one bit!
Having undergone a couple of them myself not so long ago, I understand the pain, drama, tears and emotional turmoil involved. The most important thing to note however is that no two break-ups are ever the same; and the all-too-common cliche, 'What don't kill you makes you stronger.' I find myself questioning, what it is that turns two happy smitten lovers into sworn enemies overnight? It's funny how at the prime of most relationships, there is so much joy, lovey-dovey feelings and the certain belief that you'll both weather the storms, the rain and the rainbows.
Nevertheless, Some relationships work, some don't. Actually many do not work out, and can be attributed to numerous factors such as infidelity, money issues and the realization that those they saw to be somewhat "perfect" are quite the opposite of what they reckoned them to be.
Nonetheless, I will give general tips I've learnt along the way on how to move on after a break-up with a loved one.
1. Honor how you feel- It is very important to let yourself realize that you are hurting and it's okay to let it all out. Whichever method you need to use to vent- do it. You can cry, talk, write, scream...Let it all out. Many people try to cover up their pain with the "I'm okay" facade, but it tears you apart inside eventually.
I remember undergoing a break-up which left me in so much pain, and I would cry myself to sleep for weeks on end. However, God, my family and closest friends helped me up greatly and saw me through that tough phase of life, which eventually came to an end.
2. Avoid the other person- Okay, people have differing views on this but for me, I don't believe that ex's can go back to being friends again. Maybe as acquaintances but not bosom buddies. Well, of course that squarely depends on the circumstances surrounding your break-up, though in most cases, it makes it harder for you to move on. So I feel that if you want to move on? Keep away from him/her or things that remind you of them, where possible.
3. Remember that it's a passing cloud- If it wasn't meant to be, for sure it will not work out. It may seem painful at the time, but hold on to the hope, no matter how faint; that it'll be okay and the pain will go away eventually. The sun for sure will outlast your rain only if you let it.
4. Forgive- A very difficult thing to do but has countless benefits once you choose to do it. I cannot over-emphasize on the importance of letting go of a "former" loved one. Biblical principles teach that forgiving an adversary is like heaping burning coals on the other person's head. Simply, they expect you to treat them with animosity but when you do the contrary, you save yourself a lot of anguish and emotional burden.
This doesn't go without saying that definitely at one point you will feel angry at the other person, but just do not let that anger last. Also, resist the urge to revenge no matter how tempting it may seem. It's been said over and over that vengeance is like taking a glass of poison and expecting your enemy to die. Enough said.
5. Do something new- it could be a new hairdo, shopping (for shopaholics like myself), work out...find the one thing that tickles your fancy; is out of your comfort zone and exploit it to the maximum. Believe you me, you will feel much better and you'll realize that there's so much more to life only if you open your eyes to this realization.
6. Lastly and most importantly, Pray- Put your trust in God and realize that it is only He who has the power to heal and give peace. My Biblical backing for this is the verse that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
As I conclude, I'd like you to know that if you are going through a tough time, remember that it will fade away, find your solace in Christ and for sure he will see you through. I did it and have never regretted one bit!
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